The Hunt for the Perfect Front Bottom

Forget the common-all-garden orgasm, today’s woman is after a full-on multiple hang-onto-the-seat-of-your-pants G-spot orgasm with a capital ‘O’.

I read it in the Daily Mail, so it must be true.

Men, on the other hand, are still quite content with a quick bonk, anything more than once a month being a bonus.

The search for the G-spot is not a new one, gynaecologists and dedicated lovers have been rooting around for it for years, although there is still little scientific evidence to confirm that the elusive ‘BIG G’ actually exists. But this hasn’t stopped plastic surgeons jumping on the fanny bandwagon, and earning quite a few quid from it in the meantime.

For a mere £500, us lucky ladies can now have a load of hydraulic acid injected into our vaginas in a bid to pump up our G-spots ensuring heightened sexual pleasure…

WHAT THE F#*K?!???

The jauntily named ‘G-Shot’, is the latest cosmetic surgery craze and hundreds of women are lining up, or rather spreading their legs, to have it done.

Apparently, by pumping up the inside frontal area of the vagina with cosmetic filler, the chance of stimulating the elusive G-spot is heightened, thus increasing the chance of multiple orgasms.

This means that us lucky women can now not only have our foo-flaps nipped and tucked, returning them to their former glory, in what is known as ‘vaginal rejuvenation’ or more commonly the ‘designer vagina’ procedure, we can also have them pumped full of acid, damn I feel lucky!

And don’t get me started on bum-hole bleaching!

But what exactly is a foo-foo’s former glory?

Is there a team of fanny-fiddlers poking around, taking snapshots, “Oh don’t like hers much, it leans to the right and is a millimetre too short, epic fail madam, epic fail!”

After discussing this topic at length with my girlfriends, it seems that not many of us had the foresight to take snapshots of our va-jay-jays in our youth and if we did, Boots the Chemist refused to develop them.

And recently, I read this hilarious blog post about reality star Brandi Glanville from ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’. Glanville decided to revenge her philandering husband Eddie Cibrain, he who ran off with LeAnn Rimes (who I believe was a singer, but now just wears bikinis on yachts) by charging her designer vagina surgery to his credit card. Freaking Hilarious!

I think in this instance it could be justified, if still a bit mental.

But where does it all end…?

I remember the days when a blow-dry and slick of blue mascara were enough to secure your man.  But now it seems women have to concern themselves with both the youthfulness of their fannies and the dimensions and effectiveness of their G-spot!

And what if, after all this, women still fail to reach the mythical super-charged heights that only a multiple G-spot centred orgasm can bring, what then aye?!?

“Please shoot me now doctor, my fanny hath failed me!”

Tags: Brandi Glanville, designer vagina, G-Shot injection, G-spot, LeAnn Rimes, vaginal rejuvenation