Oh My Bloody God, I’ve Won the Feckin’ Lottery!

28 May

retro-lady-with-money

Ok… that was a big fat lie!

I am one of those people who fantasise about winning the lottery but don’t actually get my sorry arse to the lottery shop to do it.

But hell that doesn’t stop me thinking about how I’d spend Scandiman’s winnings if he hit the jackpot!

But Debs over at Home Life Simplified, has ordered me to write a list with her Listmania prompt – ‘Lottery Win’ – so here it is.

So after I have sorted out my family, taken them on a ton of amazing holidays etc and donated to charity, Rhett’s syndrome, if you’re wondering, what would I spend my dollar on…?

I’d get high-tech peeling scary facials, Botox, filler, mini facelift, new Hollywood teeth … I’d have the bloody lot, Oh yes sireee.

Natural… moi?

Bollocks to that mush.

demand-for-designer-vaginas-sky-rocketing-say-L-oglZi6

Of course I would need to get my body in check so I’d pay Bradley Cooper whatever it cost, yes whatever it cost, to be my personal trainer.

I might rope him into being my personal assistant too, his tasks would include fanning me with a large palm whilst I am sunbathing on my MASSIVE yacht, massaging me daily, making me dirty Martinis, laughing at my jokes and snogging the face off me.

All of the above would require Bradley to be scantily clad, obvious like innit!

Bradley-xD-bradley-cooper-6950644-979-1222

I’d buy a big, open topped Cadillac and drive through America with my best friend. A bit like Thelma and Louise but without the murder, attempted rape and suicide.

I’d buy a pretty cottage down the Gower in South Wales, complete with Aga oven, slate floors, beams, cute gardener, trailing wisteria and open fires… sigh.

English_Cottage_Garden_Wallpaper_rpo5l

I would hire a country house and have a big, jolly holiday with my family, my girlfriends, their husbands and all of thier children. We would cook, play board games, drink fabulous wine, go for bracing walks, fly kites, eat in cosy British pubs, snuggle in front of the fire and laugh.

Most of all we would laugh.

I would take my girlfriends on a kick-ass month long holiday and then pay for rehab at the end of it.

swim

I would travel with my family wherever they wanted to go… a whole year off school for the children (I might change my mind on that little point actually). We would end our journey in Italy, where I would eat and drink myself into oblivion.

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Then Bradley could give me a good workout on my return…ahem!

I would have a wine cellar bursting with Chablis, Sauv & Dom.

I would have a nanny…

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Now it’s your turn.

If you won the lottery what would be the first three things you’d spend it on?

10 Responses to “Oh My Bloody God, I’ve Won the Feckin’ Lottery!”

  1. Sharon June 24, 2013 at 8:51 pm #

    I would buy a house on brighton sea front

  2. homelifesimplified May 31, 2013 at 12:40 pm #

    Laughing at rehab after your holiday xx

  3. Lydia C. Lee May 29, 2013 at 3:50 am #

    Ok, I have to ask, is the surgery before or after the trip to Italy where you eat yourself into oblivion? I don’t want to rain on your parade, but either have a stash to do it again after the trip, or just wait. Infact, why don’t you do it when “in rehab” then no one would know -you could say “Oh, no, I’m just looking sensational – rehab really worked wonders for me”

    • losingmylemons May 29, 2013 at 10:41 am #

      Ha ha ha! Oh My God you are a genius, I shall definitely get the ‘work’ done in rehab, let’s keep this to ourselves eh? ;)
      Althou, the worse I look the more time I get to spend with the lovely Mr Cooper.

      Mmm, Let me think on this a while…
      x

  4. HonestMum May 28, 2013 at 9:56 pm #

    Brad on pizza is my kind of night!

  5. tracey wright May 28, 2013 at 9:01 pm #

    I’d want more than a holiday, I never want to work again in my life. Keep the bloody holiday. Lol xxxx

    • losingmylemons May 28, 2013 at 9:06 pm #

      LOL! Oh you ungrateful cow!

      Read again… I said ‘after I sort my family out’ duh!

      Right I’m deducting a million off your allowance! LOL xxx

  6. Caroline Jones May 28, 2013 at 7:36 pm #

    Botox, bum, belly, eyes, neck, teeth, BOOBS, fraudulant birth certificate and Johnny Depp!!!! ;)

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